Manchester United Player Ratings Season 2010/2011

And so we have reached the end of another season of top-flight English Premier League football, and what a ride it was. Ironic that my last entry was at the start of the season I guess, but United got what they probably deserved out of the campaign on the face of it. Here's my take on the players that played more than five games for the first XI:

GK:
van der Sar - 9 - you cannot ask for much more of this guy. Incredible bloke and a United legend. Saved us time and time again, and surely part of the best back three this club will see for a while.
Kuszczak - 6 - same old, same old from our PIG. Good shot-stopping but so jittery.

DF:
Rafael - 7 - was fantastic in the first half of the season; a real prospect, shame about the injuries. Great crosser of the ball and pacy, but needs to firm up his defending.
Fabio - 7 - trusted in our bigger games in the absence of his brother, solid enough but more genuine fitness worries. Much like Rafael as well, he's pacy and tricky, but could sharpen up defensively.
Evra - 7 - an up and down season, probably his second worst at the club. Went missing when we really needed it, but is always an option going forward on the left. Don't think he was quite as bad as some make out though.
O'Shea - 7 - Mr Dependable did his usual job, comes in for criticism but I am always comfortable when he is in the side. Started some big games and was comfortable against good wingers.
J Evans - 6 - admittedly did not play lots of games but was shaky in the first half of the season; after his injury, he showed glimpses of 08/09 form
Brown - 5 - a lack of games for Wes, a shame as I still think he's got it in him. I hope we've not seen the last of him. Orange.
Smalling - 8 - fantastic debut season. Thrown right in at the deep end and proved what a good defender he is. Brave and authoritative when necessary. Excels alongside Vidic (funny, that).
Vidic - 9 - monstrous again from the best defender in the world. You just know what you're going to get from him. He has pretty much everything you could ask for. Not a lot more to say.
Ferdinand - 8 - when fit, he plays and boy does he play well. Hopefully the worst of his injuries are over and he's got another two good seasons in him. Brings a calming influence to our back four.

MF:
Valencia - 8 - what an impact this guy had on our title charge, ridiculous really, such an imposing player. Yes the CL final wasn’t his finest but remember that’s his first experience of such intensity.
Nani - 8 - carried the team in the first half of the season with Berbatov. Created so many chances, decision making has improved tenfold, as has his shooting in general. Shame he faded a little.
Park - 8 - Mr Big Game. I don’t know how he does it, the guy keeps going and going. And still his end product is assured 9 out of 10 times, will play well centrally, behind the striker or on the wing.
Obertan - 4 - poor, he was given few chances in the first team and in my opinion rightly so. No end product and even his supposedly fast feet don’t help.
Giggs - 8 - 37 years young, outclassed in the CL final unfortunately but had the beating of pretty much every other midfield he played against. Still has a turn of pace and developed a great passing range too.
Scholes - 7 - was one of our best players in the first few months of the season, as usual his passing was and is incredible, scored a couple of great goals but had a dip that culminated in a red vs City.
Gibson - 6 - he has improved and is more influential, and looks less like a rabbit in the headlights now whenever he gets the ball. A wider passing range is developing but his shooting is now decidedly erratic.
Fletcher - 6 - started the season as first choice with Scholes in the middle; trundled along in typical solid Fletch style but was uninspirational for the most part and careless with the ball when he played.
Carrick - 8 - we saw some vintage Carrick in the second half of this season. Top stuff. Passing was much sharper and could hit longer balls more comfortably. Similar to Giggs, faded in the CL final against one of the best midfields the world has ever seen.
Anderson - 7 - he’s getting there. A few fantastic games mixed in with a few decidedly average ones. Definitely best when he’s able to run at players, is pacy and strong and developing a passing range.

FW:
Berbatov - 8 - best season by far. For the first two thirds of the season he was crucial in pretty much anything good we did, great goals, tricks, flicks, passing - then faded a little with only good games against West Ham, Bolton and Fulham that come to mind in the last six weeks of the season. Seems he’s understood the need to play the in-form Hernandez though which explains the lack of form/game time.
Rooney - 8 - has won me back over. Utterly inspirational from the moment he got his head back in the game and produced some of the best stuff we’ve seen from him in a red shirt. Got lucky that we had Berbatov to help carry the frontline when he was going through his rough physical and mental patch. Yet, I hope he is at MUFC for a very long time to come.
Hernandez - 9 - bargain of a lifetime. So much more to come from him as well. He looks like he’ll make something happen every time he goes near the ball, and his shots to goals ratio is impeccable. Likeable and hardworking; he is truly a Manchester United player it seems.
Owen - 6 - dependable when called upon, scored a couple of very nice goals but he didn’t really have the opportunity to make that great an impact with limited game time.
Macheda - 5 - will always be remembered for that 08/09 Villa game, even if his future doesn’t lie with us. That said, scored a crucial goal vs Villa away this time round and looked our most competent forward in that game!

In summary:
9 - van der Sar, Vidic, Hernandez
8 - Smalling, Ferdinand, Valencia, Park, Nani, Carrick, Berbatov, Rooney
7 - Rafael, Fabio, Evra, O'Shea, Scholes, Anderson
6 - Kuszczak, J Evans, Fletcher, Gibson, Owen
5 - Brown, Macheda
4 - Obertan

The English Premier League is back again, and not a moment too soon

Boy have I missed it! The World Cup ebbed and flowed, went in and out, up and down, whatever you say - but it just wasn't quite the same as what we have from August until May each season. If you're looking for the best footballing talent in the world, sadly, I feel you have to look largely towards the Premier League - week-in, week-out, it just doesn't get any better.


So, onto 2010/2011, the nineteenth season of the top divison of English football as we know it today. Immediately the rules differ slightly - a squad cap has been imposed on all clubs, allowing a maximum of 25 players over the age of 21 to be chosen for selection in the Premier League. In addition, eight of these players must be "home-grown" i.e. domestically registered to any club for three seasons prior to their 21st birthday.


All very interesting - it may lead to perhaps the emergence of some young talent on the big stage for clubs who struggle for money and whose range will be restricted in the transfer market consequently. Plus it means clubs like greedy-guts on the blue side of Manchester will in all likelihood have to ask players to leave in order to help trim down; contrast that with Liverpool who are currently struggling to get to 25 as it is (that may change however, if transfer funds are injected into the club as a result of a change in ownership).


Now, baring in mind I am a Manchester United supporter, perhaps this season preview will be a tad biased. I'll do my best, but I make no promises.


I’ll start by highlighting Aston Villa, Tottenham and Everton as the outsiders for a top five place - they all have squads that have been built on over the summer and managers whose heads are screwed on the correct way around. Put them down for 6th, 7th and 8th. Fulham should be okay again, and along with Blackburn I reckon they’ll complete the top 10. Who to go down? Well, that’s anyone’s guess, it’s usually two of the promoted clubs that go back where they came from plus one existing Premier League side, and on that basis, it’s West Brom, Blackpool and Wigan for the drop. Newcastle United should squeak back in for 2011/2012, with many of their squad having had previous top-flight experience, which should be enough to see them through. I’m sure that the safety zone of 15th-17th will be extremely hard-fought for, though, as always.


Now let’s take a look at the realistic title contenders, of which I think there are five:


ARSENAL - Last Season: 3rd, 10/11 Prediction: 3rd
At some point every season, the press go ape over Arsenal's style of play; their apparent sexy football so superior in every single way to any other team who have ever played the game. Now that's all very well as we know, but as the last six years have proved, that wins you next to nothing. I don't think this season will be any different. They may smash a few teams before Christmas and look like they might be onto something, then pick up a few injuries or setbacks and slip into dropping lots of points away from home because they don't have the experience to deal with the demands of the title run-in. Wenger's a fantastic manager but that can only get you so far; the players have to stand up for themselves. Marouane Chamakh and Laurent Koscielny could prove to be excellent signings, Chamakh in particular is one to watch with van Persie up front. They'll look promising, before slowly fading away. Sound familiar?

CHELSEA - Last Season: Champions, 10/11 Prediction: 2nd
On the face of it they certainly deserved the title last year. I'm not bitter. They were just that little bit better - that's all it takes - and didn't drop points in as many stupid games like United and Arsenal did. Having lost Juliano Belletti, Joe Cole and Michael Ballack, who in particular had a poor season last time around, Carlo Ancelotti has brought in Yossi Benayoun and Ramires who should prove solid if unspectacular replacements. They're in about the same state as last season for me, with the returns of Michael Essien and Jose Bosingwa after injury also a boost. The key to their success may well lie in goal - in the most part, treating Petr Cech with kid gloves. While I don't think he has been exactly the same man since his accident in 2006 (in all honesty, who would be?), he still remains an integral and essential part to Chelsea's backline. Ross Turnbull looked shaky last year in the few first team chances he got, and in pre-season, plus we all know Hilario is prone to the hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Expect Drogba and Lampard to bang in the goals throughout the year, firing them extremely close to two in a row once again.

LIVERPOOL - Last Season: 7th, 10/11 Prediction: 4th
The fact that Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres have both committed their (short-term) futures to Liverpool will give fans and players alike a welcome psychological boost ahead of a season that should end in a much better fashion than 2009/2010. The arrival of Roy Hodgson can surely only propel them close to European glory once again and they may be an outside bet for the FA Cup too. There’s no doubt either that Joe Cole is a fantastic signing and he should provide some creativity in tough situations that is evidently much-needed. I feel that Maxi Rodriguez may be one to look out for as well; a summer playing alongside Lionel Messi, Gonzalo Higuain, Juan Sebastian Veron and Carlos Tevez can have done him no harm whatsoever. Their starting XI looks, on paper, the strongest it has been in possibly the last four or five years, but it’s the squad that wins trophies and this is undoubtedly where Liverpool will fall short again. If Torres, Gerrard, or both, get injured - it’s not looking good to say the least. Having said that, David Ngog can’t get too much worse.

MANCHESTER CITY - Last Season: 5th, 10/11 Prediction: 5th
The Massives. With the transfer market at their finger-tips. And do you know what? They’ll only balls it up. David Silva, Jerome Boateng, Yaya Toure and Aleksandar Kolarov, the most impressive transfer “in” list in the Premier League. And it’s down to Roberto Mancini to fit them in with Richards, Bridge, Zabaleta, Johnson, Wright-Phillips, Ireland, Adebayor, Santa Cruz, Barry, Lescott, Vieira, Tevez, de Jong... you get the picture. There are essentially too many players - the quality is there, undoubtedly. Last year, their home form was usually good but their away fixtures always let them down, a trend you’d expect to see I suppose, with 48,000 lunatics with their heads in the clouds cheering them on at Eastlands. But it’s Mancini’s head on the chopping block if he cannot pull it off. How do you cope with over-paid prima donnas who begin to get restless if they’re not playing every week? I’m sure at some point this season, he’ll find out.

MANCHESTER UNITED - Last Season: 2nd, 10/11 Prediction: Champions
I think Sir Alex has just about got the squad balance right this year, with the youth talent as strong as ever whilst the golden oldies are still going but are in all likelihood about to begin a final farewell. Admittedly it would be better if such things existed as an Owen Hargreaves who could stand up and a Rio Ferdinand who can run quickly without bandages on his body, and sadly I do fear both those things are going to be lacking in 2010/2011. Having said that, Anderson is due to return from injury in early September, Nemanja Vidic has signed a new contract and a hideously expensive Chris Smalling is going to get some lessons from the very best - so it’s not all bad news. Plus there’s a certain Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez in town who, put simply, is a 22 year-old fit Michael Owen who scores goals, on the back of a promising World Cup. And of course there’s everyone’s favourite Bulgarian, Dimitar Berbatov, who I hope manages to shut up the critics for once and bag his first 20-goal season haul for the club. If Wayne Rooney stops smoking and dirtying the streets at 3am, and pisses all over the 19 other Premier League teams instead (and there’s no dropped points to promoted sides), the trophy will be back where it belongs, for the 12th time. But it will certainly be no walk in the park.

Rumblings.

You know what? Life's confusing, right.

There's so much going on in my head now that I cannot even begin to explain. These thoughts range to and from various extremes; for example, important things like family, friends and exams (eeek!) - and then less obscure, unimportant ones, such as working out why England can't bowl out Bangladesh, why Murray can't work out that Berdych doesn't like, and can't cope with, being moved around the court in a rally, and why on earth that man from the cruise ship is through to the semis of a show that supposedly presents the best of British talent.

Anyway.

Why is it, then, that when you try and solve a problem or overcome an issue, you usually make it worse - and why is it, that when you leave things to one side and ignore them and try and move on, they often turn out to be okay anyway? I've asked myself these questions recently and am no closer to finding anything that resembles a solution. There are also people around, close to me, who need to take various steps back and learn just how important those two scenarios and their ouctomes are. In the grand scheme of life, do these things really matter anyway? No.

There does come a time however, when you can care too much. Over-emphasis on anything that is close to your heart usually results in irrational thought processes and consequently rash actions which do yourself no favours at all. Well then, what does it mean to care? How can you express feeling if, in today's society, you end up being ridiculed or simply made to feel worse than at the start, all because you show a caring nature in the first place?

At the end of the day, nearly all of us mean well all the time. Humans, on the whole, are not genuinely bad people. We are all one and the same, and yet are so different. People are wired up in contrasting ways; ways that are not always compatible and that cannot always work in tandem - it's why I think Manchester United are the greatest football club on the planet and the next man says it's Barcelona - I can take that, no problem. My voice is only one of billions.

And anyway, to quote a fictional, old and green wise man, "it matters not".

I don't believe there are answers to such questions. I observe, I think, and I notice the littlest things. Others don't have that ability. But then they're better off in some other way, and such characteristics define us.

Sometimes, life's a vicious circle, and it's just how well you avoid the swinging blade and recover from the times it does hit you, that matters. And each time it does hit, we become wiser for it.

Long time no blog; some snippets!

Sat at home, feeling yuck, just watched Federer/Tsonga and then the McLaren F1 car launch, loving the Button and Hamilton banter already. Glad it doesn't seem to be the Norovirus, however! Just a few musings :)

• The big news of this week of course, is that Andy Murray is through to the Australian Open final against Roger Federer. At this point, the majority of anyone reading this is likely to exclaim, "Go Roger!" or anything along the lines of pro-Fed or anti-Muzza. Consequently, I have to admit I do fall into camp Murray. Shameful I know. Now look, if the title was awarded for being the gentleman of the tournament, most graceful of the tournament, most sporting of the fortnight, or even the prize for "I can keep my mouth shut when I get excited and don't resemble the Mona Lisa", then sure, Federer would win every time. Not only this, but it comes down to the fact the Roger Federer is probably the most naturally gifted tennis player the modern world has ever seen. Federer is Swiss. They are best known for cheese. Murray is British. Now he'll have some remnant of blood contained within him that can also be found within yourselves. However faint, it will be there. My theory is - just get behind him! He's our best hope for any sort of glory for this country in both recent years, and for the foreseeable future. Like I say, Murrary's on and off court demeanour does him few favours; spared by the fact he is bloody good at tennis. And so from me, good luck Andy.

• The first of the 2010 car launches happened on Thursday in Maranello, Ferrari territory. With a striking new design, what's now known as the F10 has a Red Bull-esque front wing and a much wider body designed to incorporate the enormous fuel tanks necessary for the 2010 season. Felipe Massa, who is assuming the position of number one driver, and new capture Fernando Alonso managed to put on an entirely united front for their prestiged launch party. Wonder how long that will last. Also, Luca di Montezemolo revealed this week that had his proposal of three cars per team been accepted for the new season, then Michael Schumacher certainly would not be driving a Mercedes. The prospect of Alonso, Massa and Schumacher at the same team would certainly have any F1 fan, myself included, watering whole-heartedly at the mouth.

• Big, big game this weekend in the Premier League. Fergie calls it the game of the season so far, and he's probably not too far off with that assumption. Arsenal vs United, who won't try and watch it? Rio Ferdinand's ban is justified, he cannot complain too much (God knows what he was thinking) but with Vidic's return you'd have thought we wouldn't have too many problems at the back. The Gooners have their fair share of injury trouble now as well, Vermaelen, Eduardo, Diaby and van Persie should all be missing. And an in-form Wayne Rooney should have some fun against a slightly creaky Sol Campbell - that could well have a large say in the outcome of the match. They must approach with caution though, and I am apprehensive somewhat. You can't write Arsenal off under any circumstances, much like United!

• Finally, as a last side-note, I'm pretty sure that Owen Hargreaves's knee(s) must have exploded. Just that it's been quite a long three weeks, you see. Again.

Manchester United vs Leeds United

Quite frankly that was rather embarrassing. Three shots on target the whole match. Three losses in the last three weeks. Here's mine, and a fellow Internet user's, take on it.

Kuszczak - 6 - Why doesn't he yell at his defenders when they're being complete idiots? He just sits there and takes it. van der Sar would most likely have personally strangled Brown's head off. Should've done way way better on the goal.

Fabio - 6 - To be honest, he's a liability defensively, but he was better on the ball than any of our midfielders, and by quite some distance too. Needs to learn to cross and the idea is you put the ball in the box away from anyone not wearing your colour.
Brown - 4 - Had the right idea, it was just having a clue to go with it. If you asked him to get a glass of water, he'd probably find a glass, find the kitchen sink, then somehow drown himself.
Evans - 5 - Distribution; first, learn what it even means, then, attempt to be less rubbish at it. Better than Brown however, and better at coping with a pacy centre forward who backs into you.
Neville - 6 - Terrible for about half hour, then stopped relying on Brown and Obertan who may as well have not been on the same team. Livelier in the second half.

Welbeck - 5 - Not a winger, not left footed. For the billionth time. Didn't work before, and is most likely related to the whole not actually being a left footed winger thing.
Gibson - 6 - Still showed glimpses of the promise gone before; perhaps should've been subbed instead of Anderson but this is probably due to the fact he actually threatens the goal when he shoots.
Anderson - 6 Great decision to take him off at a time when he was single handedly trying to be our midfield, and replace him with someone who isn't a midfielder. Needs to keep on at that shooting practice.
Obertan - 5 - Today looked like a slightly confused spoon, and needs to actually pay attention to the game more; got in the way of Gary Neville, don't even remember him attempting a cross. And he's a winger.

Rooney - 7 - Very good. Not Peter Crouch, so not too many more long balls that you expect him to win. The best attacking outlet we have, shame no-one else really stood up.
Berbatov - 6 - He's a centre forward, how about we play him as one from time to time? Silky touches and was pretty much pivotal to anything half-decent-to-good that we did the whole match. Only had one sight of goal. Looked like he could've strangled a couple of other players at times.

SUBS:
Giggs - 6 - Good when he was in the middle. The art of standing somewhere to receive the ball, and then passing it forwards to someone wearing the same colour shirt as you. A concept too confusing for either Anderson or Gibson to even comprehend today.
Valencia - 7 - It was slightly embarrassing because all he did was show how rubbish Leeds actually were, and how useless we must be to not be beating them.
Owen - 5 - It's like he only has one foot, and his left leg just drifts around the pitch with him to help him stay upright. Missed the ball from ten yards out with a clear sight at goal. Should've buried it.

Team selection was questionable in my opinion, but I'm not Sir Alex Ferguson, he has his reasons so I won't go into that. Man City on Wednesday. Fingers crossed!

A Look Into The Future Part 1

I won't dwell too much on the obvious. That's the loss to Liverpool, for the less well informed of you. A pretty amazing spectacle (which I did actually enjoy watching) as you were never exactly sure what was going to come next. However, I'm not going to try making excuses; mainly because there are few and far between. We weren't good enough on the day. End of.

The next club match for United is in the final 16 of the Carling Cup, away to Barnsley on Tuesday evening. Of late, the fortunes of the team in this competition have been fairly tidy, winning two of the last four competitions. And there is much hope for retaining the trophy this season, too, with possibly the most promising set of youngsters the club has ever had pushing for places in the starting XI for games like these, plus the backdrop of first teamers that is inevitable when you have a sizeable set of capable players.

I am going to outline so called players here (three by three) and impress on you my verdict on their prospects for the future by means of percentage (the higher the %, the greater their chance).

19. DANNY WELBECK - Verdict - 75%

Already carries lots on his shoulders for an 18-year-old, and already features for the England U21's. Early signs are very promising. He is unusually tall for a striker and this obviously has its pros and cons. One being a constant aerial threat against the oppostion and also he can easily turn on some pace when and where necessary. Unfortunately, his first touch often leaves a lot to be desired; it means the ball can't be played into feet as United often like to do under Ferguson and attack set-up can be compromised. Still, a great finisher as proved against Wolves in R3.

20. FABIO DA SILVA - Verdict - 70%

A quick, snappy, no nonsense defender who isn't afraid to get forward. Prone to rugby tackles a la Vidic/Carragher on occasion when caught a long way out of position (quite often). Hasn't had too much in the way of first team experience so far and decision making is often a bit iffy. From the Neville school of tackling (stick a leg in and hope for the best). I think he's got a good chance, provided he listens to the manager, and learns how to track back.

21. RAFAEL DA SILVA - Verdict - 80%

Much like his brother, Rafael is blessed with astounding pace and close control. Thankfully, he is also a pretty decent crosser (playing in a team with the likes of Nani and Park: this helps greatly), setting up many goals in his stint in the first team last year. I think he is probably a better 'defender' than Fabio as he can balance the transition between attack and defence more efficiently. He linked up extremely well with Ronaldo last year, playing right back (favoured position), which proves he can mix it with the very best, however he can and has played anywhere across the backline. My hopes are high for him, a little moreso than Fabio's.

United vs Bolton: Review

3 points. Thank goodness. And by all accounts, I reckon we deserved them.

A goal inside five minutes always helps, I suppose, yet it arose from the most unfortunately comical circumstances. Having received an inch-perfect cross from Patrice Evra, all Michael Owen had to do was make a half decent connection and it was likely to result in a goal. He didn't manage it; but Zat Knight was still intent on helping out. Knight realised the ball was being directed at him and he had to make an effort to clear his lines. He failed. Somehow, his contact with the ball resulted in it being directed back between his legs and into the corner of the net. 1-0. In the moments that followed, there could easily have been two, three, or even four more. Evans had a header cleared off the line and then the post, next to Owen, Berbatov and Giggs who all had shots blocked or saved up until Antonio Valencia lashed home for the second.

But now let me talk about the two players who have lit up Manchester United's play this year. The 35-year-old Welsh wizard who doesn't know the meaning of age, and the brooding Bulgarian whose lack of apparent desire is made up for with the sheer tenacity of his play. I'll start with Berbatov. He was at the centre of everything good about United yesterday, and this has been much the same for the duration of the season so far. I am annoyed at the fact he doesn't get as many goals as he deserves, only three in ten games so far this year, and was denied spectacularly by an in-form Jussi Jaaskelainen on two occasions. The flicks and tricks, backheels and intricate passes all contribute towards the positive impact he has on the team. Owen, Rooney and co. must thoroughly enjoy playing alongside the Bulgarian captain; he is certainly a joy to watch.

And then there's Ryan Giggs. You just run out of words to describe him. The pace, close-control, dribbling and brain are still as good as they ever have been. Giggs is capable of beating his man and putting the cross in as any winger should do (a fine example to Nani who - thank goodness - played no part on Saturday). He gave the Bolton backline so much to think about that their minds were probably full of Ryan Giggs by the time they left Old Trafford. Credit to the manager as well; Sir Alex Ferguson is using him extremely wisely, in general only letting him play anything near 90 minutes every other week, which means he is easily able to reproduce this sort of form every time he plays. It must be said there was no Rooney, Fletcher or Vidic in the matchday squad for one reason or another, but boy do we need it, most of the time. He provides something unique, what we cannot get out of any player, and whatever he does, he does well.

It should have been an awful lot more than two, and if we continue to miss that amount of chances (bar the occasional bit of outstanding goalkeeping) in matches then we won't be in a position to challenge for the title come May. Also of concern is the fact we have let in nine league goals in nine league games - neither is this good enough. However, now that Edwin van der Sar is back in the side and Rio Ferdinand regaining his fitness, I'd be surprised if this remained a problem for much longer.

Elsewhere in the Premier League, both Villa, Wigan and a beach ball did United many favours over the weekend, contributing to Chelsea, Man City and Liverpool all dropping valuable points at the hands of clubs who they'd normally be expecting to beat. So I'd have thought that none of the title contenders will be happy bunnies come Monday when training resumes.

Looking ahead, United revisit the scene of their Moscow triumph on Wednesday where I fully expect Ferguson to utilise his squad ahead of a big trip to Anfield next Sunday. For the record, here's what I reckon he'll do: van der Sar, O'Shea, Ferdinand, Vidic, Fabio, Nani, Scholes, Carrick, Valencia, Owen and Berbatov (edited due to new injuries). This will give a currently unfit Evra, Vidic, Park, Fletcher and Rooney the very best chance to be fit for a game where we will need them most. Bring on the Scouse and their beach balls.